I need to get my baking hat back. When I was at my most ill I could ALWAYS be found rustling up some sweet delicacy. The trouble was I refused to eat any of it. I would spend hours perfecting a cake I would never taste. Personally back then I enjoyed cooking for others - I still do. I know people say this is typical of someone suffering from an eating disorder but I genuinely do get a lot of pleasure from seeing others enjoy something I have made for them. During treatment it was drummed into me that this was 'disordered behavior' and one that was best left behind. So that's what I did. I can't remember the last time I had a good baking session. I did a little over Christmas but that was mostly simple biscuits. Not the elaborate cupcakes I used to make. I really want to whip out my old recipes but I'm worried that it may trigger something. Hmmmmm...
I am the same, and I am still trying to figure if it is disordered or not, but I DO enjoy it, I really do, but know how it feels to be made to worry about it triggering or for me, people making me feel guilty and ashamed about WANTING to bake, like I am indulging into compulsive behaviour, you know? I am gradually getting braver and braver with it though, and TRULY enjoying it, as Sarah, and with MsF building baking sessions in to my MP and eating my creations, and people were right, they ARE yummy!
ReplyDeleteDo what ALLY enjoys. <3 love you xx