Why I love my body

This post was inspired by my therapist who asked me to name things I love about my body. I found it in my journal...without a doubt it was the hardest thing I've ever written.

I love my hair because it's auburn. It's strong and healthy and stands out in a crowd.

I love my eyes because they are totally unique (grey and gold!)

I love my freckles because they get kissed by someone special (especially the one on my nose!)

I love my arms because they allow me to hug the people I love and although the scars upset me they are a daily reminder of what I've accomplished.

I love my stomach....even after a 3 course meal. Stomachs are not meant to be concave!

I love my bum (FINALLY AFTER 24 YEARS!)  It's curvy and round and has only ever been paid compliments. Now it's time I paid it a compliment too.

I love my legs. Yes they're short but they look good in heels. Whats more they allow me to walk, run, dance...

I love my size 3 feet. Shoes galore in the sales!

If I was thin I would be happy
I don't need to be thin in order to be happy

If I had a boyfriend I would be happy
I don't need a boyfriend in order to be happy

If I got the top marks I would be happy
I don't need the best marks in order to be happy

If I was perfect I would be happy
I don't need to be perfect in order to be happy

A weekend of highs and lows

This weekend has been a roller coaster of emotion and realisation that I NEED to take check and slow-down. Four weeks of excessive partying and late nights do not bode well for recovery. Nothing 'bad' has happened but I know if I continue down this path things will go sour. I seem to behave at times like I'm invincible- studying all day, partying all night, exercising inbetween and eating the bare minimum. Not the greatest combination for someone recovering from an eating disorder.The fact I recognise this is a positive.It means I can address things before they get out of hand. I just need to have a healthy balance. Like they say 'everything in moderation.....'

Time for a coffee break

Daydreams and Reality: How aware are you?

Daydreams and Reality: How aware are you?: Did you know? 1 in 4 people will suffer from a mental health related illness at some point in their lives. Tomorrow (Monday 10th Oct...

Just a ramble

The reality of being back at university has hit me hard. The workload over the next year is, to say the least, gigantic. I suddenly feel very unsure of myself. I'm trying to familiarise myself with things that used to be second nature to me but are now very foreign. Being back in class yesterday was a huge slap round the face. Everyone was chatting away in German whilst I cowered in the corner. My confidence has taken such a nosedive. It's unsurprising really when you think I've been away for 3 years but then I never was that good at my languages. The choice to study them at university was always a daft one. I remember my German GCSE teacher encouraging me to continue with the subject at A-level - up until that point the thought had never even crossed my mind. Sixth form was such a messy blur and before I knew it I was off to study Spanish & German at degree level. It was a stupid decision. I don't have the confidence or skill to speak a foreign language. All the same I am determined to graduate at the end of this year. Chances are I will merely scrape a pass but you know what? I couldn't give a damn. The fact I am alive and well enough to even attempt this feat is an achievement in itself. Next July I will collect my degree, I will throw my cap in the sir and I will attend the Grad ball.

Autumn. My favourite time of year.

What am I doing?

After many years I have finally caved. I now have a blog. I always said I would never start one. Who on earth wants to read about my ramblings? But this is for no one but me. All my life I have kept a journal. How is this any different....except it's online. I don't write any of this with the intention that people will read it. If they do then so be it.
So I guess the first thing that springs to mind when thinking about what to write is my first proper week back in Nottingham and back at university. After 3 years away I have just spent the last 7 days trying to find my feet. Getting to grips with a city that has changed in my absence. Living with 5 strangers who know nothing about my past. Trying to eat and not allow my OCD or anxieties disrupt my life. The hardest hurdle..... going back to classes. Something I did not achieve. Not one single class. The thought of being back in that room, with other students, under pressure? It terrifies me. There are so many 'what ifs......' BUT I have worked so damn hard to get back here. I will not allow anything to stop me from getting my degree. Tomorrow is a new day. I will attend uni next week. Hell it will be hard work. But I'm known for rising to a challenge.